Best practices in the use of For Better & For Ever®

1. Sponsor Couple® Ministry

The pastor personally identifies and invites couples he considers suitable for this ministry — asking for volunteers is not recommended. Once a couple accepts the invitation, they attend a training session on Zoom, from the privacy of their own home.

During training, they learn how to build a trusting relationship with an engaged couple and walk with them through the marriage preparation process. These meetings typically take place in the Sponsor Couple’s home, though Zoom works well too, especially if one partner is in a different city or serving in the military abroad. After the wedding, the Sponsor Couple stays in touch with the newly married couple and helps them get connected to parish life.

This is peer-to-peer ministry, not mentoring — the relationship works because it’s built between equals.

2. The Coordinators

The pastor selects one couple already serving in the Sponsor Couple® ministry — someone with strong communication and organizational skills — and asks them to coordinate the program going forward.

The Coordinators keep track of each Sponsor Couple and which engaged couples that Sponsor Couple has guided, and they check in with the pastor periodically. They’re also a natural resource when the parish needs to bring more couples into the Sponsor Couple® ministry.

3. Welcoming Every Couple Who Reaches Out

Parish marriage ministry should feel just as welcoming to someone with no prior connection to the parish as it does to a longtime member — whether that person isn’t Catholic or is baptized but no longer practicing.

To support this, parish office staff are trained to gather initial information from anyone seeking to marry in the parish and pass it along to the pastor or his delegate, such as a permanent deacon.

4. Getting Started: Contact and Homework

Once a couple reaches out, the pastor (or his delegate) contacts them to confirm they’re free to marry in the Church. If they are, he directs them to pick up copies of the For Better & For Ever® workbooks — either from the parish office or ordered directly from the For Better and For Ever website — and to complete the homework outlined on page 7: Chapters 1, 6, and 13, plus Appendix D where it applies.

Once that homework is done, the couple sets up a meeting with the pastor to review it together and decide whether they’re ready to move forward — including beginning their meetings as part of the Sponsor Couple® process.

5. Matching an Engaged Couple with a Sponsor Couple

When the pastor feels an engaged couple is ready, he refers them to the Coordinators, who match them with a Sponsor Couple. From there, the Sponsor Couple reaches out directly to the engaged couple to schedule their meetings, which take place in the Sponsor Couple’s home or on Zoom if the situation warrants it.

6. Wrapping Up the Process

Once an engaged couple finishes the process, the Sponsor Couple lets the Coordinators know. It’s worth noting that a Sponsor Couple never offers a recommendation, for or against, on whether the couple should be allowed to marry in the Church.

That said, if an engaged couple stops cooperating with the process at any point, or raises an objection to it, that’s worth flagging to the Coordinators, who will pass it along to the pastor or his delegate. If a family emergency comes up for the Sponsor Couple, it’s completely reasonable to reassign the engaged couple to another Sponsor Couple so nothing falls through the cracks.

7. Support Along the Way

The pastor, his delegate, and the Coordinators are always welcome to reach out to the For Better & For Ever team for support. We offer this complimentary service in hopes of watching marriage preparation flourish in your parish!