Some years ago, a couple came into the parish office to talk about marriage. They were concerned — they had watched friends get engaged and move into marriages that later failed, without ever seriously evaluating whether they’d developed the skills a lifelong marriage requires.
They asked a simple but important question: “What should we study to find out if we’re good candidates for marriage — or to learn that we’re not ready for the challenges of marriage and family life?”
That’s exactly the right question to ask. But at the time, we couldn’t point them to a book that actually answered it. That’s what led the author of For Better and For Ever, Rob Ruhnke, to write a new edition of For Better & For Ever®.
Built to Be Read — By Everyone
The book needed to cover everything married couples eventually face, while staying short and clear enough that couples would actually read it. For Better & For Ever® is 21 chapters and 231 pages. Each chapter runs about 4 pages, followed by open-ended questions couples can answer briefly or explore in depth. The format works whether a couple has an advanced degree or limited formal education.
For couples who want to go deeper, more content and resources are available at forbetterandforever.com.
Family of Origin: Where Most Marriage Problems Start
Family therapists consistently trace marriage and family problems back to one root cause: an inability to identify and talk honestly about differences and problems that took shape in each partner’s family growing up — everything from “the right way to cook a meal” to patterns of abuse.
For Better & For Ever® devotes four full chapters (2, 3, 4, and 5) to Family of Origin. These chapters help dating couples surface and talk through the personal experiences — sometimes “family secrets” — that too many couples never learn to address. Left unspoken, these issues don’t disappear. They tend to fester and can eventually damage a marriage. The book’s core message here: choosing to be vulnerable in honest dialogue is one of the most effective intimacy skills a couple can build — one that helps them face real differences and difficult family history, and still build a healthy relationship.
Faith, Explained Simply
Many couples who use For Better & For Ever® aren’t members of the Catholic Church — interchurch and interfaith couples are common. And many Catholic couples have only a limited grasp of theological terms like “sanctifying grace” or “sacrament.”
Chapters 7, 11, 12, and 14 present the meaning of Christian marriage and family spirituality in plain language, without requiring theological training. Chapter 14, on prayer, teaches couples how to pray together — and encourages them to start that practice while they’re still dating.
What the Book Covers
For Better & For Ever® walks couples through:
- Money Matters & Career Planning (Chapter 8) — an extended dialogue on financial planning
- Marital Communication & Problem Solving (Chapters 9 & 10) — the process of dialogue itself
- Family Planning (Chapter 15) — encouraging couples to become informed, especially about natural family planning methods, so they can make good decisions together
- Making Decisions of Conscience (Chapter 16)
- Creating a Healthy Stepfamily (Chapter 17)
- Writing a Pre-Marital Covenant (Chapter 20)
What This Process Might Reveal
As you work through the chapters and questions together, you’ll be writing down and sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings — and discovering more about each other along the way.
Honest dialogue might surface real differences that aren’t compatible with a lifelong marriage. That can be painful to learn. But it’s far better to learn it now, while you still have the freedom to pause the relationship or end it.
Your dialogue through For Better & For Ever® may confirm that getting engaged is the right next step. If so, reach out to your parish about connecting with their Sponsor Couple® Ministry team.
If you’d like to talk more about this, you’re welcome to contact us.
