These questions are adapted from Joined by the Church, Sealed by a Blessing (Macalintal/Wagner), page 84 and following.

About the Book

Joined by the Church, Sealed by a Blessing: Couples and Communities Called to Conversion Together was written by Diana Macalintal and Nick Wagner, who bring over fifty years of combined hands-on experience in parish and diocesan liturgy preparation and catechumenate formation. Published in 2014 by Liturgical Press, the authors propose a fresh vision for marriage preparation that parallels the RCIA process — treating engagement as a call to discipleship, formed within a parish community that walks alongside newly married couples.

Diana Macalintal is a liturgist, musician, author, and speaker, and is also the author of The Work of Your Hands and Your Parish Is the Curriculum. She and her husband, Nick Wagner, co-founded a training organization that provides RCIA team formation across the United States, Canada, and Australia. Nick Wagner has taught and written about the catechumenate, liturgy, and catechesis for more than 30 years, and is also the author of Seek the Living God: Five RCIA Inquiry Questions for Making Disciples.

The Five Questions below are one practical tool from the book — designed to help dating couples reflect honestly on their faith and their understanding of marriage before moving toward engagement.

1. Where Have I Been?

• When did you first become aware of God/Jesus?
• Create a faith timeline. Indicate the high points in your life when you felt God/Jesus was really close to you.
• What was your family’s experience of faith?
• What was your family’s experience of marriage?
• Did you go to church as a child? As a teenager? As a young adult? How often? What was it like?
• Describe the models of married life you had as a child, teen, and young adult.
• What was your image of God or Jesus as a child? How has that image changed over the course of your life?
• What was your understanding of what marriage is as a child? How has that understanding changed over the course of your life?
• What has happened in your life that has led you to this moment?

2. Where Am I Now?

• What is your image of God? What do you believe about God?
• How often are you aware of God in your life? Constantly? Occasionally? Not too much?
• How often do you pray? What is your prayer like?
• How often do you go to church?
• Do you ever talk about God with the person you are dating? Describe what that is like.
• What is your relationship with God like right now? Strong or weak? Like a parent and child? Like a good friend? Distant? Close?
• What is your understanding of marriage now?
• What are you most looking forward to in being married?
• What are you most concerned about in being married?

3. Where Do I Want to Get To?

• What do you most hope for in your relationship with God?
• What do you most hope for in your marriage?
• Is there someone (or was there someone) in your life you want to be like in regard to faith? To being married? Describe what it is about that person that makes you want to be like him or her.
• Describe how you envision being part of a church community as a married couple.
• Are there any attitudes or behaviors you hope to change in yourself?
• Do you have any hopes for your marriage with regard to faith?
• Is there an area of knowledge you want to strengthen with regard to faith? To marriage?

4. How Am I Going to Get There?

• In what ways do you need to develop your faith practices to get to where you want to be?
• In what ways do you need to develop your relationship with your dating partner to get to where you want to be?
• In what ways do you need support from your fiancé, family, and friends?
• In what ways do you need support from your faith community?
• How will you determine if your plan will get you to where you want to be?

5. How Will I Know That I Have Arrived?

• How will you know if you have reached your goal?
• How will your dating partner, your family, and your friends know you have reached your goal?
• How will your faith community know if you have reached your goal?