Canon Law (Canons 1063 & 1064) speaks of “remote, proximate, and immediate” marriage preparation, along with marriage enrichment for couples already married. Building on that foundation, the document Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life, published by the Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life in 2022, offers pastoral guidelines for parishes to provide formation for marriage and family life — starting in childhood.
I. Remote & Proximate Marriage Preparation
1. Parenting Programs
Focus on intergenerational family education and formation, in which parents and parish teachers/leaders learn to share their own faith and relationship with Jesus with children, adolescents, and young adults. See vibrantfaithathome.org for ideas.
2. Junior High, High School, and Young Adult Ministry
Leaders of junior high and high school religious education programs, as well as young adult ministry, should incorporate material on relationship skills and Christian marriage — including how to discern one’s vocation (to priesthood, religious life, or marriage) — in age-appropriate ways across all parish programs. The Archdiocese of Detroit has developed programs along these lines and is training teachers to lead them.
3. Dating Couples
Provide dating couples with discernment tools they can use to make good decisions about whether they’re ready to move toward engagement and marriage. For Better & For Ever® is an excellent discernment program for this purpose.
4. Bulletin: Reach Couples Before They’re Engaged
Include a weekly bulletin note along these lines: “Marriage: Contact us for the Parish Information Packet about Marriage — even before you get engaged!”
The most important shift here is removing language like “contact us 6 (or 9) months before you plan to be married.” Letting couples know the parish has materials available to them before they get engaged gives us a much better chance to assist with real discernment — which is exactly what Pope Francis has asked parishes to do.
5. Bulletin: Key Resources and Community Visibility
- Add a box with key websites, such as forbetterandforever.com, along with links to the parish, diocese, and U.S. Bishops’ websites.
- Add a second box listing couples currently preparing for marriage. Update this list as couples get married.
6. Bulletin Material for Recruiting Sponsor Couples
“So that we at [Holy Trinity] can better assist couples preparing for marriage, we are seeking the help of married couples in our parish who are willing to serve as members of our Sponsor Couple® Ministry Team for engaged couples. [Our pastor] is asking all married couples to consider serving in this important ministry.”
After completing a training course, married volunteers will be assigned to guide an engaged couple through a series of meetings in their home or on Zoom.
We plan to train enough married couples so that each Sponsor Couple ministers to no more than one engaged couple per year.
Please contact [our pastor] for more information. Call [phone number of church office].
7. Pulpit Announcement: Information Night on “Getting Married in the Catholic Church”
Do this periodically:
“I trust we all agree on the importance and value of Christian marriage and family life. Because we at [Holy Trinity] are committed to helping individuals and couples prepare well for a lasting and satisfying marriage, we are now offering an Information Night about Getting Married in the Catholic Church. The next Information Night is [date] at 7 PM. This is for couples, singles, and anyone who may want information for themselves or for people they know. We will explain our parish’s marriage preparation process, answer your questions, and provide materials couples can use to evaluate their relationship.”
The Parish Information Packet about Marriage — which includes diocesan and parish policies on marriage preparation and the celebration of the Rite of Matrimony, along with copies of For Better & For Ever® (or directions for obtaining them) — will be available at this event.
Don’t worry about how many people show up. What matters is that the parish knows this is happening two to three times a year.
8. Specialized Programs Worth Promoting
Let parishioners know about workshops and retreats addressing topics such as:
- Discipleship for young adults and adults
- Natural Family Planning
- Financial planning
- Parenting skills
- Communication skills
II. Immediate Marriage Preparation
Welcoming Couples Who Contact the Parish
When a couple contacts the parish — in person or by phone — to set a wedding date or have their civil marriage validated, the parish secretary records their information for the pastor and assures them that the pastor or another staff member will follow up as soon as possible.
Why the delay? Reserving the church for a wedding requires a conversation with someone qualified to assess the couple’s freedom and readiness for sacramental marriage. At the same time, the pastor can allow the secretary to check the church calendar for available dates. This keeps the process user-friendly for couples while still maintaining a sound pastoral strategy for quality marriage preparation.
If the church is already booked, the couple can consider a different date or another church. If a date is available, the secretary can “pencil in” the wedding and explain: “We will hold this date for you until you can meet with the pastor or a staff person and get confirmation that the church can be reserved for your wedding.”
The secretary will also ask whether the couple has the Parish Information Packet about Marriage, since they’ll need it to prepare for their meeting with the pastor.
Meeting with the Pastor (or Associate Pastor, Deacon, or Trained Lay Person)
The first contact between the pastor and the engaged couple is often by phone. This gives the pastor a chance to clarify key details — whether either partner has been married before, their ages, their faith traditions, and so on. If a major issue comes up, such as the need for a declaration of nullity from a previous marriage, the pastor can set up an in-person meeting to address it.
If there are no major issues, the pastor asks whether the couple has copies of For Better & For Ever®. All couples preparing for sacramental marriage are directed to use this book, so its content is available to them even if they don’t ultimately meet with a sponsor couple during immediate preparation. If they don’t yet have copies, the pastor explains how to get them — either through the church office or at forbetterandforever.com — and explains the homework to complete before meeting in person:
“Be sure to follow the directions on page 7 of For Better & For Ever® — write your answers to all the questions directly in the book, and after you’ve both done the writing, share your answers with one another in dialogue. Then call [phone number] to set up our first meeting.”
When the couple calls to schedule that meeting, it’s easy for the pastor to check in on their progress: “How did your writing and dialogue with one another go?”
During the in-person meeting, the pastor spends time getting to know the couple, then reviews the chapters listed on page 7 of For Better & For Ever®. It may become clear that the couple has missed important elements of adult Catholic life that ideally would have been addressed earlier — for example:
- One or both partners are currently non-practicing Catholics, or have a limited understanding of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.
- One or both never received the Sacrament of Confirmation.
- One or both never learned about Natural Family Planning.
Rather than viewing the couple as “a problem,” treat this as a genuine opportunity to minister to real needs. They’ve come to us asking to be married in the Church — we can address all of their needs, one step at a time, and as an individual couple rather than as part of a group.
Helpful further reading includes Sherry Weddell’s Forming Intentional Disciples and Diana Macalintal & Nick Wagner’s Joined by the Church, Sealed by a Blessing. F.A.C.E.T. or Facing Ahead may also be useful resources.
Couple Participates in Immediate Marriage Preparation
Once the couple is ready to begin Immediate Marriage Preparation, if they’re using the For Better and For Ever Sponsor Couple® program, they’ll be assigned a couple to guide them through the remaining chapters of For Better & For Ever®. If they aren’t using the Sponsor Couple® program, they can work through the book on their own, or choose a married couple or spiritual director to share it with instead.
Final Session(s) with the Pastor
The pastor reviews the final chapters of For Better & For Ever® (see page 7), completes any necessary paperwork, and plans the wedding — or directs the couple to a trained person who can help with that planning.
Rehearsal and Wedding
Many parishes have a staff member or volunteer who oversees the rehearsal and wedding, helping ensure everything runs smoothly and in line with parish policies (for example, church decoration guidelines or rules for photographers).
III. Follow-Up Beyond the Wedding
- Newly married couples can expect a follow-up from their Sponsor Couple — the same couple who guided them through sessions before the wedding. For Better & For Ever® includes questions designed to help focus on common “areas of adjustment” in early marriage. Even when the newly married couple doesn’t live near their sponsors, sponsors can stay in touch by phone, Zoom, Facebook, or even Christmas cards.
- All married couples in the parish should hear about marriage enrichment opportunities regularly, from the pulpit and in the bulletin throughout the year — with special promotion given to Marriage Encounter and Retrouvaille.
